Have you ever noticed that when your life starts to get out of control, your morals and or ethics start to be sacrificed in the name of “a better life”, when you feel you need more and more worldly possessions & riches, “Sex Drugs and Rock and Roll”, when you are on the edge and don’t know it, something or someone, some event, in my place I believe God hits you like a Mac truck and says STOP! In my life it has happened three times. I guess I am a bit denser than most. You may already have read about my broken neck. That didn’t work.
God had to try again.
A “simple” shoulder surgery
Years ago after undergoing a year of steroid injections and therapy to treat a sore shoulder my doctors decided that it was time for more drastic action. They decided to do a relatively common place Rotator Cuff repair. It was going to just be an overnight process and I was supposed to go home the next morning for what would be a brief recovery period. It should be noted here that the two most painful joint operations that take the longest to heal are the knee and the shoulder (I have had both) because they do not have their own blood supply.
That afternoon they took me to surgery and when they opened me up they were in for a surprise. The damage and needed repairs were far more extensive than they expected.
They did a major rotator repair, removed part of my clavicle and did a major cleanup and reconstruction. After a lengthy procedure the doctors met with my parents they exclaimed “no wonder he has been in so much pain for so long. We had no idea”. Despite everything they did when I awoke that night I did not feel too bad. I went home the next afternoon feeling positive about the repair and figuring I could go back to work in a week or two.
The unexpected
God had not yet finished his lesson
Within twenty four hours my pain had become unbearable and I spiked a fever of 104.
I was rushed back to the emergency room. Everybody expected the worse, a life threatening infection.
In order to determine this in a hurry the doctor, without the use of any anesthetic began removing the staples from the large incision on my shoulder. Next he took a 6 inch swab and began probing deep inside the wound, over and over again searching for infection. The pain was so intense that my wife had to place her body over mine to hold me down and keep me from taking a swing at the doctor which I had every intention of doing. The test showed that I was suffering from a hospital born Staph infection. I was rushed through the admission process and prepared for emergency surgery to re-open the wound, clean out the infection and flush it with antibiotics.
Thirty six hours later I still had a fever; my shoulder was red and hot. The surgical procedure was repeated and my blood was pumped full of the strongest antibiotics they could use. My blood had to be tested constantly to test for liver failure and the potential breakdown of my immune system. I was receiving the maximum dosage of morphine to no effect. Believe it or not this process was repeated three more times. Five major surgeries in seven days and I was slipping away. I remember watching four doctors, the top specialist in infectious disease and my parents standing around my bed looking distressed and confused. They had no idea how to stop the infection and save my life.
Faith takes over
I made the decision after lots of meditation and prayer to put myself completely in god’s hands. I told the doctors to turn off the morphine and they cut off all the antibiotics and waited. Within twelve hours the fever broke. I felt like a new person. Two days later I returned home to begin a long and painful rehabilitation. My shoulder was frozen and my arm was locked in place against my chest. It took two months of therapy and another surgery to break my shoulder free before I could move my arm. I returned to work two months after my “simple surgery”.
Today my shoulder is perfectly normal. God still had some teaching to do and three years later another health crisis took two years out of my life but that is a story for another time.
I tell these stories not for sympathy or to get attention. I simply want to prove to you that no matter how severe your problems, no matter how hopeless you feel or how much physical and emotional pain you are living with you can overcome anything with faith, prayer, positive thought, determination and a belief in yourself. Once again I returned to work after a major trauma and broke all the records. Many of them were mine that had stood for 10 years.
I am no better, stronger, skilled or smarter than anybody reading this. I focused on my goals, put everything else out of my mind and gave 100% everyday for the six months following my return. I never used the word “can’t”. If I was told that something could not be done I just went out and did it. If you apply the same effort and attitude you can be in a new job in just 8 weeks.
Mark Warren
Hello,
Was reading your "common sense" posting regarding recruiting LinkedIn friends, which I found very helpful and, well, a common sense approach to building one's professional network.
In scrolling down further in the discussion I saw this post. It couldn't have come to my attention at a more perfect time for me: as I haven't had permanent employment position since 1998. I decided that year (at age 44) to return to grad school for a PhD. Nine years later I experienced a life-changing medical injury that required I leave school while writing my dissertation as my pain meds prevented me from doing required statistical analyses. My pain meant I was physically unable to work for 4 more years.
Finally able to physically work, I struggle with the serious cognitive deficits associated with the neuroleptic pain meds, creating a Sophie's choice: experiencing unbearable pain or inability to perform basic functions that depend on nominal processing memory and organization/planning functions.
Now I have a "simple" shoulder injury causing terrible pain, which has serious consequences for my body's ability to control release of brain chemicals that stimulate my chronic pain. On the "factual" face of it, all feels so hopeless. Yet I work hard at keeping up-to-date on my professional interests (driven by childhood poverty, inequities, stigmas -- none race/ethnic related) in public policy) now health access/health reform. I also have a best friend who's like a sister, and a brother who really needs me. Without these, I would see no reason to continue to live.
I do not see "faith" a part of my "story" in large part b/c it is not part of my immediate world, nor has served me at any point in my life (as child, was present in face of horrible abuses those faithful chose to ignore). Yet I also respect and am happy that you have faith to give you support and meaning in times of suffering and trauma. I do see the practices of spiritual practices like Buddhism a means of providing inner peace that I seek that may be similar to faith.
Again, thank you for this post. I firmly believe that if open, we can all find meaning and value from the thoughts and ideas shared with others without necessarily being fully aligned with each other, when done based on giving that is from the heart.
Anne
Posted by: Anne Powell | June 05, 2011 at 06:55 PM